now here’s a list of pitchfork’s top 500 songs of the 2000’s.  like part 1, i have a large number of these songs, but apparently i need to update my library more. 

  500. The Big Pink – “Velvet”
  499. N.E.R.D. – “Run to the Sun” [Electronic version]
  498. Unwound – “Scarlette”
  497. Woods – “Rain On”
  496. Akufen – “Deck the House (Herbert’s Stop Like This Mix)”
  495. Weezer – “Island in the Sun”
  494. Blonde Redhead – “Equus”
  493. Goldfrapp – “Lovely Head”
  492. St. Vincent – “The Strangers”
  491. Viktor Vaughn – “Saliva”
  490. Closer Musik – “Departures”
  489. Kano – “Reload It”
  488. Jesu – “Silver”
  487. Jaylib – “The Red”
  486. Spiller [ft. Sophie Ellis-Bextor] – “Groovejet (If This Ain’t Love)”
  485. Ali Farke Toure – “Yer Bounda Fara”
  484. Múm – “Green Grass of Tunnel”
  483. Platinum 45 [ft. More Fire Crew] – “Oi!”
  482. Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds – “As I Sat Sadly By Her Side”
  481. The Roots – “Don’t Feel Right”
  480. Darkstar – “Need You”
  479. Brightblack Morning Light – “Everybody Daylight”
  478. Pantha Du Prince – “Asha”
  477. Dodos – “Fools”
  476. Ward 21 – “Petrol”
  475. Kid Cudi vs. Crookers – “Day ‘N Night (Remix)”
  474. Wolf Eyes – “Human Animal”
  473. The Concretes – “You Can’t Hurry Love”
  472. Comets on Fire – “Wild Whiskey”
  471. Crystal Castles – “Alice Practice”
  470. Orchestra Baobab – “Bul Ma Miin”
  469. DJ Shadow – “You Can’t Go Home Again”
  468. The Strokes – “What Ever Happened?”
  467. Rjd2 – “Let the Good Times Roll Pt. 2″
  466. Saint Etienne – “How We Used to Live”
  465. Cee-Lo [ft. Timbaland] – “I’ll Be Around”
  464. Voxtrot – “The Start of Something”
  463. Black Kids – “I’m Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance With You” [EP version]
  462. Sun Kil Moon – “Carry Me Ohio”
  461. Scarface – “On My Block”
  460. Vivian Girls – “Where Do You Run To”
  459. The Honeydrips – “Fall From a Height (The Field Way)”
  458. Sleater-Kinney – “Far Away”
  457. Emily Haines & the Soft Skeleton – “Doctor Blind”
  456. Doves – “Black and White Town”
  455. Bonnie – “Prince” Billy – “Wolf Among Wolves”
  454. Songs: Ohia – “Didn’t It Rain”
  453. f**ked Up – “Crusades”
  452. Jay Reatard – “Always Wanting More”
  451. Scissor Sisters – “Mary”
  450. My Morning Jacket – “Golden”
  449. Jackson and His Computer Band – “Utopia”
  448. Lil’ Kim [ft. Mr. Cheeks] – “The Jump Off”
  447. Mylo – “In My Arms”
  446. M. Ward – “Chinese Translation”
  445. Ricardo Villalobos – “Que Belle Epoque”
  444. Be Your Own Pet – “Adventure”
  443. Explosions in the Sky – “First Breath After Coma”
  442. Menomena – “Wet and Rusting”
  441. Sufjan Stevens – “For the Widows in Paradise, For the Fathers in Ypsilanti”
  440. The Libertines – “Time for Heroes”
  439. Beirut – “Elephant Gun”
  438. Lady Sovereign – “Ch-Ching (Cheque 1, 2 Remix)”
  437. Shackleton – “Blood on My Hands”
  436. Devendra Banhart – “A Sight to Behold”
  435. Golden Boy with Miss Kittin – “Rippin Kittin”
  434. Madonna – “Don’t Tell Me”
  433. DJ Khaled [ft. T.I., Akon, Rick Ross, Fat Joe, Birdman, and Lil Wayne] – “We Takin’ Over”
  432. Sugababes – “Overload”
  431. Death Cab for Cutie – “The New Year”
  430. Mastodon – “Sleeping Giant”
  429. Gossip – “Standing in the Way of Control”
  428. Yo La Tengo – “Last Days of Disco”
  427. Patrick Wolf – “The Magic Position”
  426. Bob Dylan – “Mississippi”
  425. Björk – “New World”
  424. Turbulence – “Notorious”
  423. The Delgados – “All You Need Is Hate”
  422. Santogold – “Lights Out”
  421. Lambchop – “Up With People”
  420. Schneider TM – “The Light 3000″
  419. Klaxons – “Golden Skans”
  418. Ce’cile – “Hot Like We”
  417. High Places – “From Stardust to Sentience”
  416. Jens Lekman – “The Opposite of Hallelujah”
  415. Alicia Keys – “You Don’t Know My Name (Reggae Remix)”
  414. Simian Mobile Disco – “It’s the Beat” [12" version]
  413. Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds – “There She Goes, My Beautiful World”
  412. Scritti Politti – “The Boom Boom Bap”
  411. Wilco – “Handshake Drugs”
  410. Women – “Black Rice”
  409. Sunn O))) – “It Took the Night to Believe”
  408. Magik Markers – “Taste”
  407. Girls on Top – “We Don’t Give a Damn About Our Friends”
  406. Nine Inch Nails – “The Hand That Feeds”
  405. Superpitcher – “Tomorrow”
  404. Dinosaur Jr. – “Almost Ready”
  403. Freeway [ft. Peedi Crakk] – “Flipside”
  402. My Morning Jacket – “Off the Record”
  401. The Walkmen – “In the New Year”
  400. Boris – “Ibitsu”
  399. Amy Winehouse – “Tears Dry on Their Own”
  398. The Chemical Brothers – “Star Guitar”
  397. Queens of the Stone Age – “The Lost Art of Keeping a Secret”
  396. Nathan Fake – “The Sky Was Pink (James Holden Remix)”
  395. Death From Above 1979 – “Romantic Rights”
  394. The Streets – “Blinded by the Lights”
  393. Lightning Bolt – “Dracula Mountain”
  392. B15 Project – “Girls Like Us”
  391. King Khan and the Shrines – “Welfare Bread”
  390. The Long Blondes – “Once and Never Again”
  389. Junior Boys – “High Come Down”
  388. Sigur Ros – “Hoppipolla”
  387. Cortney Tidwell – “Don’t Let Stars Keep Us Tangled Up (Ewan’s Objects in Space Remix)”
  386. Konono No. 1 – “Paradiso”
  385. Four Tet – “My Angel Rocks Back and Forth”
  384. Boards of Canada – “Music Is Math”
  383. Girls – “Hellhole Ratrace”
  382. The Microphones – “The Moon” [Song Islands version]
  381. Crime Mob – “Knuck If You Buck”
  380. Rex the Dog – “I Look Into Mid-Air”
  379. Goldfrapp – “Strict Machine”
  378. Blur – “Out of Time”
  377. Soulwax – “NY Excuse”
  376. El-P – “Stepfather Factory”
  375. Röyksopp – “What Else Is There?”
  374. The Pains of Being Pure at Heart – “Young Adult Friction”
  373. Cannibal Ox – “The F-Word”
  372. Camera Obscura – “French Navy”
  371. Cam’ron [ft. Sarah Hindes] – “Get ‘Em Girls”
  370. Lumidee – “I’ll Never Leave You (Uh Oooh, Uh Oooh)”
  369. Primal Scream – “Swastika Eyes”
  368. Together – “So Much Love to Give”
  367. Frightened Rabbit – “The Modern Leper”
  366. Matthew Dear – “Dog Days”
  365. Gwen Stefani – “What You Waiting For (Thin White Duke Remix)”
  364. Elliott Smith – “Everything Reminds Me of Her”
  363. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah – “The Skin of My Yellow Country Teeth”
  362. Sigur Ros – “Vaka (Untitled 1)”
  361. Smog – “Rock Bottom Riser”
  360. Boards of Canada – “In a Beautiful Place Out in the Country”
  359. Young Jeezy [ft. Jay-Z] – “Go Crazy (Remix)”
  358. Cat Power – “I Found a Reason”
  357. Japandroids – “Young Hearts Spark Fire”
  356. Jason Forrest – “10 Amazing Years”
  355. Deerhoof – “Milk Man”
  354. Tinariwen – “Matadjem Yinmixan”
  353. Stars of the Lid – “Requiem for Dying Mothers (Part 1)”
  352. Maxïmo Park – “Apply Some Pressure”
  351. Rich Boy [ft. Polow Da Don] – “Throw Some D’s”
  350. Man Man – “Van Helsing Boombox”
  349. Beanie Sigel [ft. Melissa] – “Feel It in the Air”
  348. Aesop Rock – “Daylight”
  347. Bonnie – “Prince” Billy – “Cursed Sleep”
  346. Super Furry Animals – “Juxtaposed With U”
  345. Antony and the Johnsons – “Aeon”
  344. Lil Wayne – “Hustler Musik”
  343. The Microphones – “The Glow”
  342. Franz Ferdinand – “Do You Want To”
  341. Fleet Foxes – “Blue Ridge Mountains”
  340. Herbert – “Something Isn’t Right”
  339. Sonic Youth – “The Empty Page”
  338. The Decemberists – “O Valencia!”
  337. The National – “Mistaken for Strangers”
  336. Röyksopp – “Eple”
  335. Max Tundra – “MBGATE”
  334. Grizzly Bear – “While You Wait for the Others”
  333. Death Cab for Cutie – “A Movie Script Ending”
  332. Aeroplane [ft. Kathy Diamond] – “Whispers”
  331. Andrew Bird – “Fake Palindromes”
  330. The Roots [ft. Cody Chestnutt] – “The Seed 2.0″
  329. Caribou – “Hendrix With KO”
  328. Isolee – “Schrapnell”
  327. Vampire Weekend – “Walcott”
  326. Yeah Yeah Yeahs – “Cheated Hearts”
  325. Sean Paul – “Like Glue”
  324. The Twilight Sad – “Cold Days From the Birdhouse”
  323. The Rapture – “I Need Your Love”
  322. Wu-Tang Clan – “Uzi (Pinky Ring)”
  321. Four Tet – “Smile Around the Face”
  320. Ciara – “Promise”
  319. Guided by Voices – “Chasing Heather Crazy”
  318. The Notwist – “One With the Freaks”
  317. Squarepusher – “My Red Hot Car”
  316. Neko Case – “Hold On, Hold On”
  315. Ratatat – “17 Years”
  314. Metro Area – “Miura”
  313. The Wrens – “She Sends Kisses”
  312. The Go! Team – “Ladyflash”
  311. Sticky [ft. Ms. Dynamite] – “Booo!”
  310. Okkervil River – “For Real”
  309. Midlake – “Roscoe”
  308. Gorillaz – “Feel Good Inc.”
  307. Wolf Parade – “Shine a Light”
  306. Dr. Dre [ft. Kurupt, Snoop Dogg, and Nate Dogg] – “The Next Episode”
  305. Loretta Lynn [ft. Jack White] – “Portland, Oregon”
  304. Destroyer – “The Sublimation Hour”
  303. Mystikal – “Shake Ya Ass”
  302. Black Dice – “Cone Toaster”
  301. The Shins – “Kissing the Lipless”
  300. Iron & Wine – “Upward Over the Mountain”
  299. CSS – “Let’s Make Love and Listen to Death From Above”
  298. Stars – “Your Ex-Lover Is Dead”
  297. David Byrne and Brian Eno – “Strange Overtones”
  296. Johnny Cash – “The Man Comes Around”
  295. Grandaddy – “The Crystal Lake”
  294. Constantines – “Night Time (Anytime It’s All Right)”
  293. Aphex Twin – “Avril 14th”
  292. Deerhunter – “Spring Hall Convert”
  291. Missy Elliott – “Pass That Dutch”
  290. The Exploding Hearts – “Modern Kicks”
  289. PJ Harvey – “Good Fortune”
  288. Fabolous – “Breathe”
  287. Chromatics – “In the City”
  286. …And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead – “Another Morning Stoner”
  285. Ryan Adams – “Come Pick Me Up”
  284. Wiley – “Wearing My Rolex”
  283. Godspeed You Black Emperor! – “Storm” [First Movement]
  282. Luomo – “The Present Lover” [Digital Disco version]
  281. The Books – “Take Time”
  280. The Fiery Furnaces – “Here Comes the Summer”
  279. Alan Braxe and Fred Falke – “Rubicon”
  278. Madvillain – “America’s Most Blunted”
  277. Earth – “Coda Maestoso in F (Flat) Minor”
  276. The Darkness – “I Believe in a Thing Called Love”
  275. Broken Social Scene – “Stars and Sons”
  274. The MFA – “The Difference It Makes (Superpitcher Remix)”
  273. Smog – “Dress Sexy at My Funeral”
  272. Nas – “One Mic”
  271. Arcade Fire – “Intervention”
  270. Damian Marley – “Welcome to Jamrock”
  269. The Decemberists – “The Engine Driver”
  268. Common – “The Light”
  267. The Beta Band – “To You Alone”
  266. Bright Eyes – “First Day of My Life”
  265. Jim O’Rourke – “Good Times”
  264. Baby [ft. Clipse] – “What Happened to That Boy?”
  263. Coldplay – “Yellow”
  262. Mastodon – “Blood & Thunder”
  261. Sonic Youth – “Incinerate”
  260. Of Montreal – “Disconnect the Dots”
  259. Neko Case – “I Wish I Was the Moon”
  258. Rachel Stevens – “Some Girls”
  257. The Flaming Lips – “Fight Test”
  256. M83 – “Kim & Jessie”
  255. At the Drive-In – “One Armed Scissor”
  254. Radiohead – “Reckoner”
  253. Caribou – “Melody Day”
  252. Bright Eyes – “The Calendar Hung Itself”
  251. Eminem – “Without Me”
  250. The Thermals – “A Pillar of Salt”
  249. Amadou & Mariam – “Sabali”
  248. Liars – “Plaster Casts of Everything”
  247. Broadcast – “Pendulum”
  246. Lupe Fiasco – “Kick Push”
  245. Girls Aloud – “Biology”
  244. The Hives – “Hate to Say I Told You So”
  243. Fischerspooner – “Emerge”
  242. Dirty Projectors – “Rise Above”
  241. Les Savy Fav – “The Sweat Descends”
  240. Clipse – “Zen”
  239. The Dismemberment Plan – “Face of the Earth”
  238. Estelle [ft. Kanye West] – “American Boy”
  237. Cut Copy – “Out There on the Ice”
  236. Elliott Smith – “A Distorted Reality Is Now a Necessity to Be Free” [7" version]
  235. Sally Shapiro – “I’ll Be by Your Side”
  234. Electric Six”Danger! – “High Voltage!”
  233. Air – “Playground Love”
  232. Destiny’s Child – “Jumpin’ Jumpin’”
  231. Jarvis Cocker – “Running the World”
  230. The Mountain Goats – “Best Ever Death Metal Band in Denton”
  229. Joanna Newsom – “Sprout and the Bean”
  228. Phoenix – “1901
  227. Björk – “Pagan Poetry”
  226. Le Tigre – “Deceptacon (DFA Remix)”
  225. Dntel [ft. Ben Gibbard] – “(This Is) The Dream of Evan and Chan”
  224. The National – “Abel”
  223. Beach House – “Apple Orchard”
  222. Three 6 Mafia – “Sippin’ on Some Syrup”
  221. F*** Buttons – “Sweet Love for Planet Earth”
  220. Ekkehard Ehlers – “Plays John Cassavettes, Pt. 2″
  219. Lil Mama – “Lip Gloss”
  218. Bloc Party – “Banquet”
  217. Yeasayer – “2080″
  216. Sleater-Kinney – “Jumpers”
  215. M.I.A. – “Bucky Done Gun”
  214. Freeway [ft. Jay-Z and Beanie Sigel] – “What We Do”
  213. Yeah Yeah Yeahs – “Y Control”
  212. The Beta Band – “Squares”2
  211. Ted Leo and the Pharmacists – “Timorous Me”
  210. Cat Power – “Lived in Bars”
  209. The Clientele – “Since K Got Over Me”
  208. Kylie Minogue – “Love at First Sight”
  207. Outkast [ft. Killer Mike] – “The Whole World”
  206. Bat for Lashes – “Daniel”
  205. Lily Allen – “Smile”
  204. Spoon – “Everything Hits at Once”
  203. Ricardo Villalobos – “Fizheuer Zieheuer”
  202. Belle and Sebastian – “I’m Waking Up to Us”
  201. The New Pornographers – “The Laws Have Changed”
  200. Beck “Lost Cause”
  199. Portishead “The Rip”
  198. Vitalic “La Rock 01″
  197. Joanna Newsom “Peach, Plum, Pear”
  196. No Age “Teen Creeps”
  195. Love Is All “Make Out Fall Out Make Up”
  194. David Banner “Cadillac on 22’s”
  193. Twista [ft. Kanye West and Jaime Foxx] “Slow Jamz”
  192. Pulp “Sunrise”
  191. Vampire Weekend “Oxford Comma”
  190. Panjabi MC [ft. Jay-Z] “Mundian to Bach Ke (Beware of the Boys)”
  189. The Tough Alliance “Silly Crimes”
  188. Jens Lekman “Black Cab”
  187. Booka Shade “Mandarine Girl”
  186. Fugazi “Cashout”
  185. Dead Prez “Hip-Hop”
  184. Queens of the Stone Age “No One Knows”
  183. Beyonce “Irreplaceable”
  182. Yo La Tengo “Our Way to Fall”
  181. Morrissey “The First of the Gang to Die”
  180. Gwen Stefani “Hollaback Girl”
  179. Bon Iver “Skinny Love”
  178. Air “Cherry Blossom Girl”
  177. Eminem “The Real Slim Shady”
  176. Xiu Xiu “I Luv the Valley OH!”
  175. Usher [ft. Lil Jon and Ludacris] “Yeah”
  174. Los Campesinos! “You! Me! Dancing!”
  173. M.O.P. “Ante Up”
  172. Shellac “Prayer to God”
  171. Talib Kweli [ft. Mos Def, Jay-Z, Kanye West, and Busta Rhymes] “Get By (Remix)”
  170. Guillemots “Trains to Brazil”
  169. Ludacris “Southern Hospitality”
  168. Of Montreal “The Past Is a Grotesque Animal”
  167. Liars “The Other Side of Mt. Heart Attack”
  166. Gui Boratto “Beautiful Life”
  165. Jimmy Eat World “The Middle”
  164. Broadcast “Come on Let’s Go”
  163. Girl Talk “Smash Your Head”
  162. Grizzly Bear “Two Weeks”
  161. Christian Falk [ft. Robyn and Ola Salo] “Dream On”
  160. 50 Cent “In Da Club”
  159. Cat Power “I Don’t Blame You”
  158. Art Brut “Formed a Band”
  157. Kanye West [ft. Lupe Fiasco] “Touch the Sky”
  156. The Pipettes “Pull Shapes”
  155. Coldplay “Clocks”
  154. Sufjan Stevens “Casimir Pulaski Day”
  153. Luomo “Tessio”
  152. Life Without Buildings “The Leanover”
  151. Santogold “L.E.S. Artistes”
  150. Junior Senior “Move Your Feet”
  149. Dan Deacon “The Crystal Cat”
  148. Air France “Collapsing at Your Doorstep”
  147. Wilco “Poor Places”
  146. Fennesz “Caecilia”
  145. Broken Social Scene “Cause = Time”
  144. Justice vs. Simian “We Are Your Friends”
  143. Feist “1234″
  142. The Flaming Lips “Do You Realize??”
  141. Britney Spears “Toxic”
  140. Interpol “NYC”
  139. Daft Punk “Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger”
  138. D’Angelo “Untitled (How Does It Feel?)”
  137. Ladytron “Destroy Everything You Touch”
  136. Ghostface Killah “Shakey Dog”
  135. The Strokes “The Modern Age” [EP version]
  134. Clipse “Trill”
  133. Belle and Sebastian “Your Cover’s Blown”
  132. Panda Bear “Comfy in Nautica”
  131. Destiny’s Child “Say My Name”
  130. Spoon “The Underdog”
  129. Andrew W.K. “Party Hard”
  128. The Mountain Goats “No Children”
  127. Ciara [ft. Ludacris] “Oh”
  126. Califone “The Orchids”
  125. The Field “Over the Ice”
  124. Ted Leo and the Pharmacists “Where Have All the Rude Boys Gone?”
  123. Kanye West “Jesus Walks”
  122. Cam’ron [ft. Juelz Santana, Freekey Zekey, and Toya] “Hey Ma”
  121. Johnny Boy “You Are the Generation That Bought More Shoes and You Get What You Deserve”
  120. Phoenix “If I Ever Feel Better”
  119. T.I. “Rubber Band Man”
  118. Camera Obscura “Lloyd, I’m Ready to Be Heartbroken”
  117. Animal Collective “Leaf House”
  116. The White Stripes “Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground”
  115. Dirty Projectors “Stillness Is the Move”
  114. !!! “Me and Giuliani Down By the Schoolyard (A True Story)”
  113. Kelis “Milkshake”
  112. Lindstrøm “I Feel Space”
  111. Aaliyah “We Need a Resolution”
  110. Dizzee Rascal “Fix Up Look Sharp”
  109. Grizzly Bear “Knife”
  108. The Hold Steady “The Swish”
  107. M83 “Don’t Save Us From the Flames”
  106. The Mae Shi “Run to Your Grave”
  105. Grinderman “No ***** Blues”
  104. Eminem “Lose Yourself”
  103. Feist “Mushaboom”
  102. Cut Copy “Hearts on Fire”
  101. Jurgen Paape “So Weit Wie Noch Nie”
  100. Jamie Lidell- “Multiply”
  99. MGMT- “Time to Pretend”
  98. Beirut- “Postcards from Italy”
  97. Belle and Sebastian- “I’m a Cuckoo”
  96. Clinic- “Distortions”
  95. Wolf Parade- “I’ll Believe in Anything”
  94. The Futureheads- “Hounds of Love”
  93. The Game ft. 50 Cent- “Hate it or Love It”
  92. Modest Mouse- “3rd Planet”
  91. Justice- “D.A.N.C.E.”
  90. The Streets- “Weak Become Heroes”
  89. The Postal Service- “Such Great Heights”
  88. The New Pornographers- “Letter from an Occupant”
  87. Mike Jones ft. Paul Wall and Slim Thug- “Still Tippin’ “
  86. Mclusky- “To Hell With Good Intentions”
  85. Phoenix- “Long Distance Call”
  84. Peter Bjorn and John- “Young Folks”
  83. Basement Jaxx- “Where’s Your Head At?”
  82. Robyn- “Be Mine”
  81. Deerhunter- “Nothing Ever Happened”
  80. Lil Wayne- “A Milli”
  79. Jay-Z- “Izzo (H.O.V.A.)”
  78. Freelance Hellraiser- “A Stroke of Genius”
  77. Three 6 Mafia- “Stay Fly”
  76. Hot Chip- “Ready for the Floor”
  75. Aaliyah- “Try Again”
  74. The Knife- “Silent Shout”
  73. Animal Collective- “Grass”
  72. The Killers- “Mr. Brightside”
  71. Kanye West ft. Cam’ron- “Gone”
  70. Junior Boys ft. Andi Toma- “In the Morning”
  69. The Arcade Fire- “Rebellion (Lies)”
  68. Dr. Dre ft. Eminem- “Forgot About Dre”
  67. Band of Horses- “The Funeral”
  66. Fleet Foxes- “White Winter Hymnal”
  65. Justin Timberlake- “Cry Me a River”
  64. Interpol- “Obstacle 1″
  63. The Hold Steady- “Stuck Between Stations”
  62. The Shins- “New Slang”
  61. Wilco- “Jesus, Etc.”
  60. Ghostface Killah- “Nutmeg”
  59. Radiohead- “Pyramid Song”
  58. The White Stripes- “Fell in Love With a Girl”
  57. TV on the Radio- “Wolf Like Me”
  56. Dizzee Rascal- “I Luv U”
  55. Outkast- “Ms. Jackson”
  54. Missy Elliot- “Work It”
  53. The Strokes- “Someday”
  52. Kanye West ft. Dwele – “Flashing Lights”
  51. Jay-Z- “Takeover”
  50. Basement Jaxx- “Romeo”
  49. Sufjan Stevens- “Chicago”
  48. Panda Bear- “Bros”
  47. Burial- “Archangel”
  46. Robyn ft. Kleerup- “With Every Heartbeat”
  45. Hot Chip- “Over and Over”
  44. Franz Ferdinand- “Take Me Out”
  43. UGK ft. Outkast- “Int’l Players Anthem (I Choose You)”
  42. Battles- “Atlas”
  41. TV on the Radio- “Staring at the Sun”
  40. The Avalanches- “Since I Left You”
  39. Modest Mouse- “Float On”
  38. T.I.- “What You Know”
  37. Kylie Minogue- “Can’t Get You Out of My Head”
  36. Sigur Ros- “Svefn-G-Englar”
  35. Animal Collective- “Fireworks”
  34. M.I.A.- “Galang”
  33. Spoon- “The Way We Get By”
  32. Amerie- “1 Thing”
  31. Jay-Z ft. UGK- “Big Pimpin’”
  30. The White Stripes- “Seven Nation Army”
  29. Hot Chip- “Boy From School”
  28. Antony and the Johnsons- “Hope There’s Someone”
  27. Clipse- “Grindin’”
  26. Justin Timberlake ft. T.I.- “My Love”
  25. Rihanna ft. Jay-Z- “Umbrella”
  24. Radiohead- “Everything In Its Right Place”
  23. Daft Punk- “Digital Love”
  22. LCD Soundsystem- “Someone Great”
  21. Kelly Clarkson- “Since U Been Gone”
  20. The Walkmen “The Rat”
  19. R. Kelly “Ignition (Remix)”
  18. Hercules and Love Affair “Blind”
  17. Annie “Heartbeat”
  16. The Rapture “House of Jealous Lovers”
  15. The Knife “Heartbeats”
  14. Jay-Z “99 Problems”
  13. LCD Soundsystem “Losing My Edge”
  12. OutKast “Hey Ya!”
  11. Gnarls Barkley “Crazy”
  10. Arcade Fire – “Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels)”
  9. Animal Collective – “My Girls”
  8. Radiohead – “Idioteque”
  7. Missy Elliott – “Get Ur Freak On”
  6. Yeah Yeah Yeahs – “Maps”
  5. Daft Punk – “One More Time”
  4. Beyonce [featuring Jay-Z] – “Crazy in Love”
  3. M.I.A. – “Paper Planes”
  2. LCD Soundsystem – “All My Friends”
  1. OutKast – “B.O.B.”

great list of the top 500 songs “from punk to present. greatest songs of all time.”  i have a lot of the songs listed, but apparently my library needs to expand a bit.  how many songs do you guys have?

1977 – 1979

David Bowie – Heroes
Iggy Pop – The Passenger
Lou Reed – Street Hassle
Kraftwerk – Trans-Europe Express
Brian Eno – 1/1
The Ramones – Rockaway Beach
Talking Heads – Psycho Killer
Television – Marquee Moon
Patti Smith – Rock n Roll Nigger
The Sex Pistols – God Save the Queen
The Clash – (White Man) In Hammersmith Palais
Buzzcocks – Ever Fallen in Love?
Vic Godard and the Subway Sect – Parallel Lines
X-Ray Spex – Oh Bondage! Up Yours!
The Adverts – One Chord Wonders
Wire – Ex-Lion Tamer
Donna Summer – I Feel Love
Giorgo Moroder – The Chase
Chic – Good Times
Thelma Houston – Don’t Leave Me This Way
Gloria Gaynor – I Will Survive
Michael Jackson – Don’t Stop ‘Til You Get Enough
Parliament – Flash Light
Marvin Gaye – Got To Give It Up
Public Image Ltd. – Public Image
Gang of Four – Damaged Goods
Magazine – Shot by Both Sides
The Cramps – Human Fly
The Misfits – Night of the Living Dead
Wire – Outdoor Miner
Joy Division – Disorder
Althea and Donna – Uptown Top Ranking
Lee Perry – Roast Fish and Cornbread
The Congos – Fisherman
Willie Williams – Armagideon Time
This Heat – 24 Track Loop
The Slits – Typical Girls
The Pop Group – She Is Beyond Good and Evil
The Clash – The Guns of Brixton
James Chance and the Contortions – Contort Yourself
Suicide – Dream Baby Dream
Cabaret Voltaire – Nag Nag Nag
Throbbing Gristle – Hot on the Heels of Love
Devo – Mongoloid
Candido – Jingo
Dinosaur – Kiss Me Again
Machine – There but for the Grace of God Go I
Kate Bush – Wuthering Heights
Goblin – Suspiria
Blue Oyster Cult – (Don’t Fear) The Reaper
AC/DC – Highway to Hell
Van Halen – Runnin’ with the Devil
Fleetwood Mac – The Chain
Steely Dan – Deacon Blues
Electric Light Orchestra – Mr. Blue Sky
The Only Ones – Another Girl, Another Planet
The Undertones – Teenage Kicks
Plastic Bertrand – Ca plane pour moi
The Records – Starry Eyes
Cheap Trick – Surrender
The Cars – Just What I Needed
Elvis Costello and the Attractions – Radio Radio
The Cure – Boys Don’t Cry
XTC – Making Plans for Nigel
Blondie – Atomic
Talking Heads – Memories Can’t Wait

1980 – 1982

Kurtis Blow – The Breaks
Spoonie Gee Meets the Sequence – Monster Jam
The Sugarhill Gang – 8th Wonder
The Treacherous Three – The New Rap Language
The Clash – The Magnificent Seven
Talking Heads – Born Under Punches (The Heat Goes On)
Yoko Ono – Walking on Thin Ice
Klein + MBO – Dirty Talk
ESG – Moody
Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five – The Adventures of Grandmaster Flash on the Wheels of Steel
Funky 4+1 – That’s The Joint
Kraftwerk – Numbers/Computer World 2
Afrika Bambaataa & Soulsonic Force – Planet Rock
Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five – The Message
Glenn Branca – Lesson No. 1 for Electric Guitar
Laurie Anderson – O Superman (For Massenet)
Joy Division – Atmosphere
The Fall – Totally Wired
Elvis Costello and the Attractions – Beyond Belief
The Pretenders – Back on the Chain Gang
The B-52’s – Private Idaho
Dexys Midnight Runners – There There My Dear
Young Marble Giants – Final Day
Altered Images – Happy Birthday
The Specials – Ghost Town
Robert Wyatt – Shipbuilding
Bauhaus – Third Uncle
Adam and the Ants – Kings of the Wild Frontier
Scritti Politti – The Sweetest Girl
The Human League – Don’t You Want Me
Soft Cell – Tainted Love
The Associates – Party Fears Two
ABC – All of My Heart
New Order – Temptation
The Jam – Town Called Malice
Duran Duran – The Chauffeur
The English Beat – Save It for Later
The Go-Go’s – Our Lips Are Sealed
Tom Tom Club – Genius of Love
Prince – Dirty Mind
Daryl Hall & John Oates – I Can’t Go for That (No Can Do)
Michael Jackson – Billie Jean
ABBA – The Day Before You Came
Roxy Music – More Than This
Queen – Under Pressure
Bruce Springsteen – Atlantic City
Journey – Don’t Stop Believing
Bad Brains – Pay to Cum
Minor Threat – Minor Threat
Dead Kennedys – Holiday in Cambodia
Black Flag – Rise Above
Wipers – Youth of America
Flipper – Sex Bomb
Motorhead – Ace of Spades
Iron Maiden – Run to the Hills
Orange Juice – Blue Boy
The Television Personalities – This Angry Silence
The Fall – The Classical
The Clean – Tally Ho!
The Feelies – The Boy with the Perpetual Nervousness
R.E.M. – Radio Free Europe
Violent Femmes – Blister in the Sun
Mission of Burma – That’s When I Reach for My Revolver

1983-1986

The Smiths – This Charming Man
Sonic Youth – Death Valley ‘69
Husker Du – Pink Turns to Blue
Meat Puppets – Plateau
The Replacements – I Will Dare
Minutemen – History Lesson (Part II)
R.E.M. – So. Central Rain (I’m Sorry)
Echo and the Bunnymen – The Killing Moon
The Cure – Close to Me
Siouxsie and the Banshees – Cities in Dust
Run-D.M.C. – It’s Like That
Crash Crew – On the Radio
Rammelzee vs. K-Rob – Beat Bop
Boogie Down Productions – South Bronx
New Order – Blue Monday
Prince and the Revolution – When Doves Cry
Talking Heads – This Must Be the Place (Naïve Melody)
Kate Bush – Running Up That Hill (A Deal with God)
U2 – New Year’s Day
Simple Minds – Don’t You (Forget About Me)
The Replacements – Bastards of Young
The Mekons – Last Dance
Big Black – Kerosene
Scratch Acid – The Greatest Gift
The Jesus and Mary Chain – Just Like Honey
The Smiths – How Soon Is Now?
Cocteau Twins – Lorelei
New Order – Bizarre Love Triangle
Billy Bragg – A New England
Metallica – Battery
Slayer – Angel of Death
Saint Vitus – Clear Windowpane
Einsturzende Neubauten – Halber Mensch
Art of Noise – Beat Box (Diversion One)
Frankie Goes to Hollywood – Relax
Liquid Liquid – Optimo
Alexander Robotnick – Problemes d’Amour
Shannon – Let the Music Play
Section 25 – Looking from a Hilltop (Restructure)
Madonna – Holiday
Cyndi Lauper – Girls Just Want to Have Fun
Prince – Kiss
Run-D.M.C. – Rock Box
LL Cool J – I Can’t Live Without My Radio
Beastie Boys – No Sleep Till Brooklyn
Mantronix – Needle to the Groove
The Go-Betweens – Cattle and Cane
The Chills – Pink Frost
Felt – Primitive Painters
The Smiths – There Is a Light That Never Goes Out
Tom Waits – Jockey Full of Bourbon
Bruce Springsteen – I’m on Fire
Scott Walker – Rawhide
U2 – Bad
Don Henley – The Boys of Summer
Paul Simon – Graceland
Wayne Smith – Under Me Sleng Teng
Anthony “Red” Rose – Tempo
Model 500 – No UFO’s

1987-1990

Mr. Fingers – Can You Feel It
Rhythim Is Rhythim – Strings of Life
A Guy Called Gerald – Voodoo Ray
M/A/R/R/S – Pump Up The Volume
My Blood Valentine – You Made Me Realise
Spacemen 3 – Walking With Jesus
Ride – Dreams Burn Down
Glaxie 500 – Blue Thunder
Happy Mondays – Kinky Afro
The Stone Roses – She Bangs the Drums
Sonic Youth – Teen Age Riot
Dinosaur Jr. – Freak Scene
Butthole Surfers – Human Cannonball
Pixies – Where Is My Mind?
Fugazi – Waiting Room
Audio Two – Top Billin’
Eric B & Rakim – I Know You Got Soul
Public Enemy – Rebel Without a Pause
N.W.A. – Straight Outta Compton
Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds – The Mercy Seat
Ministry – Stigmata
The Jesus and Mary Chain – Head On
The Sugarcubes – Birthday
The Cure – Just Like Heaven
Morrissey – Everyday Is Like Sunday
The Pogues – Fairytale of New York
The Wedding Present – My Favourite Dress
The Field Mice – Emma’s House
Another Sunny Day – You Should All Be Murdered
The Dead Milkmen – Punk Rock Girl
The Primitives – Crash
The La’s – There She Goes
They Might Be Giants – Birdhouse in Your Soul
Superchunk – Slack Motherfucker
Fugazi – Merchandise
The Jesus Lizard – Mouth Breather
Slick Rick – Children’s Story
Gang Starr – Just to Get a Rep
Rob Base and DJ E-Z Rock – It Takes Two
Sal-n-Pepa – Push It
Beastie Boys – Hey Ladies
De La Soul – Me Myself and I
Biz Markie – Just a Friend
Public Enemy – Fight The Power
Guns N’ Roses – Welcome to the Jungle
Swans – Beautiful Child
John Zorn – The Sicilian Clan
Prince and the Revolution – If I Was Your Girlfriend
Madonna – Like a Prayer
Deee-Lite – Groove Is in the Heart
Pet Shop Boys – Being Boring
Sinead O’Conner – Nothing Compares 2 U
The Orb – Little Fluffy Clouds
The KLF – Wichita Lineman Was a Song I Once Heard
808 State – Pacific State
Orbital – Chime
Depeche Mode – Enjoy the Sileince
My Blood Valentine – Soon
The Vaselines – Son of a Gun
Beat Happening – Indian Summer
Daniel Johnston – Some Things Last a Long Time
Mudhoney – Touch Me I’m Sick
Pixies – Wave of Mutilation

1991-1993

Nirvana – Smells Like Teen Spirit
Pavement – Summer Babe
Archers of Loaf – Web in Front
Yo La Tengo – From a Motel 6
Sebadoh – The Freed Pig
A Tribe Called Quest – Check the Rhime
De La Soul – A Roller Skating Jam Named ‘Saturdays’
Black Sheep – The Choice Is Yours
Massive Attack – Unfinished Sympathy
Tricky – Aftermath (Version 1)
Primal Scream – Higher Than the Sun
Spiritualized – Step into the Breeze
Slowdive – Alison
Aphex Twin – Xtal
Talk Talk – Ascension Day
Slint – Good Morning, Captain
Disco Inferno – The Last Dance
Stereolab – French Disko
Acen – Trip II the Moon Pts. 1 and 2
The Future Sound of London – Papua New Guinea
Human Resource – Dominator (Joey Beltram Mix)
Metalheadz – Terminator
Omni Trio – Renegade Snares
Red House Painters – New Jersey
Teenage Fanclub – The Concept
Heavenly – C Is the Heavenly Option
Tindersticks – City Sickness
Unrest – Make Out Club
Tenor Saw/Buju Banton – Ring the Alarm Quick
Dr. Dre – Nuthin’ but a ‘G’ Thang
Ice Cube – It Was a Good Day
2Pac – I Get Around
Souls of Mischief – 93 ‘Til Infinity
Suede – The Drowners
Blur – For Tomorrow
Elastica – Stutter
Ween – Doctor Rock
Wu-Tang Clan – Protect Ya Neck
Geto Boys – Mind Playing Tricks on Me
Pete Rock and C.L. Smooth – They Reminisce Over You (T.R.O.Y.)
Bikini Kill – Rebel Girl
Melvins – Hooch
Dinosaur Jr. – Start Choppin’
Pixies – U-Mass
Liz Phair – Divorce Song
PJ Harvey – Rid of Me
The Afghan Whigs – Debonair
Rage Against the Machine – Killing in the Name
The Lemonheads – It’s a Shame About Ray
Beck – Loser
The Breeders – Cannonball
Nirvana – Scentless Apprentice

1994-1996

Hole – Violet
Smashing Pumpkins – 1979
Green Day – Longview
Weezer – Say It Ain’t So
Blur – Girls & Boys
Oasis – Live Forever
Pulp – Common People
The Notorious B.I.G. – Juicy
Nas – It Ain’t Hard to Tell
Mobb Deep – Shook Ones, Pt. 2
GZA – 4th Chamber
Pavement – Gold Soundz
Built to Spill – Car
Modest Mouse – Broke
Frank Black – Headache
The Jon Spencer Blues Explosion – Bellbottoms
Guided by Voices – I Am a Scientist
Nine Inch Nails – Closer
Bjork – Hyper-Ballad
Beck – Devil’s Haircut
Portishead – Sour Times (Nobody Loves Me)
Saint Etienne – Like a Motorway
Basic Channel – Octagon
Paperclip People – Throw
DJ Shadow – Midnight in a Perfect World
Dr. Octagon – Blue Flowers
Common – I Used to Lover H.E.R.
Jeff Buckley – Grace
Mazzy Star – Fade Into You
Arthur Russell – This Is How We Walk on the Moon
Low – Words
The Auteurs – Unsolved Child Murder
Jawbox – Savory
Drive Like Jehu – Luau
Brainiac – Pussyfootin’
Napalm Death – Twist the Knife (Slowly)
Darkthrone – En As I Dype Skogen
Ol’ Dirty Bastard – Brooklyn Zoo
Snoop Doggy Dogg – Gin and Juice
Luniz – I Got 5 on It
Cutty Ranks – Limb by Limb
The Prodigy – No Good (Start the Dance)
Underworld – Born Slippy (NUXX)
The Chemical Brothers – Setting Sun
Daft Punk – Da Funk
Belle and Sebastian – The State I Am In
Elliott Smith – Needle in the Hay
The Magnetic Fields – Take Ecstasy with Me
Palace Music – New Partner
Arab Strap – The First Big Weekend
Tortoise – Gamera
The Sea and Cake – Parasol
Pavement – Rattled by the Rush
Guided by Voices – Game of Pricks
Weezer – El Scorcho

1997-1999

Radiohead – Paranoid Android
Bjork – Joga
The Verve – Bitter Sweet Symphony
Elliott Smith – Between the Bars
Cat Power – Cross Bones Style
The Clientele – Reflections After Jane
Bonnie “Prince” Billy – I See a Darkness
Smog – Teenage Spaceship
Silver Jews – Random Rules
Autechre – Arch Carrier
Boards of Canada – Happy Cycling
Herbert – So Now…
Aphex Twin – Windowlicker
Uilab – St. Elmo’s Fire
Air – Le Soleil est Pres du Moi
Massive Attack – Teardrop
Black Star – Respiration
The Notorious B.I.G. – Hypnotize
Outkast – Spottieottiedopaliscious
The Roots – The Next Movement
The Flaming Lips – Waitin’ for a Superman
The Beta Band – Dry the Rain
The Olivia Tremor Control – Hideaway
Neutral Milk Hotel – Holland, 1945
Super Furry Animals – Ice Hockey Hair
Stardust – Music Sounds Better with You
Basement Jaxx – Jump n’ Shout
Wilco – Via Chicago
Pulp – This Is Hardcore
Belle and Sebastian – Lazy Line Painter Jane
Yo La Tengo – Autumn Sweater
Sleater-Kinney – One More Hour
Refused – New Noise
The Dismemberment Plan – The City
Boredoms – Super Shine
Mogwai – Like Herod
Jim O’Rourke – Halfway to a Threeway
Sigur Ros – Svefn-g-Englar

2000-2002

Daft Punk – One More Time
Radiohead – Idioteque
Godspeed You! Black Emperor – Storm
The Avalanches – Since I Left You
Broadcast – Come On Let’s Go
Aaliyah – Try Again
Justin Timberlake – Cry Me a River
Luomo – Tessio
Vitalic – La Rock 01
Kylie Minogue – Love at First Sight
Jay-Z – Big Pimpin’
Outkast – B.O.B.
Eminem – The Real Slim Shady
Ghostface Killah – Nutmeg
Missy Elliott – Get Ur Freak On
The White Stripes – Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground
The Strokes – The Modern Age
…And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead – Another Morning Stoner
Interpol – Obstacle 1
Electric Six – Danger! High Voltage
Golden Boy with Miss Kittin – Rippin Kittin’
Jurgen Paape – So Weit Wie Noch Nie
Osymyso – Intro-Inspection
The Knife – Heartbeats
LCD Soundystem – Lossing My Edge
The Rapture – House of Jealous Lovers
The Streets – Weak Become Heroes
Aesop Rock – Daylight
Rjd2 – Good Times Roll Pt. 2
Bright Eyes – The Calendar Hung Itself
Wilco – Poor Places
Queens of the Stonge Age – No One Knows
My Morning Jacket – The Way That He Sings
Modest Mouse – 3rd Planet
Clinic – Distortions
Shellac – Prayer to God
Mclusky – To Hell with Good Intentions
Lightning Bolt – Ride the Sky
The Microphones – The Moon
The New Pornographers – Letter from an Occupant
The Shins – New Slang
The Decemberists – Here I Dreamt I Was an Architect
Radiohead – Life in a Glasshouse
Broken Social Scene – Cause = Time
Deerhoof – This Magnificent Bird Will Rise
Spoon – The Way We Get By
Dizzee Rascal I Luv U
M.O.P. – Ante Up
Clipse – Grindin’
Talib Kweli – Get By
Jay-Z – Takeover

2003-2006

Outkast – Hey Ya
Kanye West – Through The Wire
R. Kelly – Ignition (Remix)
Beyonce – Crazy In Love
Gnarls Barkley – Crazy
!!! – Me and Giuliani Down by the School Yard (A True Story)
TV on the Radio – Staring at the Sun
Yeah Yeah Yeahs – Maps
The Walkmen – The Rat
Devendra Banhart – A Sight to Behold
Joanna Newsom – Peach, Plum, Pear
Sufjan Stevens – Casimir Pulaski Day
Antony and the Johnsons – Hope There’s Someone
Animal Collective – Leaf House
The Books – Take Time
M83 – Don’t Save Us from the Flames
The Postal Service – Such Great Heights
Annie – Heartbeat
M.I.A. – Galang
The White Stripes – Seven Nation Army
Franz Ferdinand – Take Me Out
The Fiery Furnaces – Here Comes the Summer
The Mountain Goats – No Children
The Wrens – She Sends Kisses
Les Savy Fav – The Sweat Descends
Ted Leo and the Pharmacists – Where Have All the Rude Boys Gone?
The Exploding Hearts – Modern Kicks
Art Brut – Formed a Band
Boris – Farewell
Mastodon – Sleeping Giant
Madvillain – America’s Most Blunted
T.I. – What You Know
Kelly Clarkson – Since U Been Gone
Amerie – 1 Thing
Ciara – Oh
The Go! Team – The Power Is On
Feist – Mushaboom
Arcade Fire – Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels)
Wolf Parade – I’ll Believe in Anything
Band of Horses – The Funeral
The Hold Steady – Stuck Between Stations
Beirut – Postcards from Italy
Johnny Boy – You Are the Generation That Bought More Shoes and You Get What You Deserve
Love Is All – Busy Doing Nothing
Jens Lekman – Black Cab
Christian Falk – Dream On
Peter Bjorn and John – Young Folks
Justice vs. Simian – We Are Your Friends
Hot Chip – Boy from School
Animal Collective – Grass
Black Dice – Cone Toaster
Liars – The Other Side of Mt. Heart Attack
Panda Bear – Bros

this shit is funny.

very interesting! i was summoned for jury duty this week. updates to come!

for those of you who saw the tony awards, you would probably agree that neil patrick harris is probably one of the best things to have happened to the tony awards.  he’s so witty;  his delivery was hilarious and reminded me so much of his character barney stinson on how i met your mother.

ps – so much for ever seeing billy elliot.  after all their awards, it will either be sold out or completely inaffordable for me.

wowwwww… i’m on a roll!  i haven’t written in months and already i have had a few blog posts in the past 24 hours or so.  anyway, so tonight i went back and read comments that people had left a long time ago, to which i never replied.  i guess i don’t have good blog etiquette.  do i reply?  do i not reply?  it took me long enough, but i finally decided to reply.

anyway, i’ve resolved that one of the best uses of this blog, other than to get back into writing and to share the mundane and not so mundane parts of my life with the cyberworld, was to be productive and talk about my dad’s sickness/illness/however you would call it.  …soooo… here it goes.

i’m scared.  i’m genuinely scared about everything.  it’s hard for me to express these feelings because… well, i feel like a lot of my feelings are baseless.  i feel like guilty or… something because i feel like my feelings are grounded in selfish feelings in behaviors.  like, who is going to be there for me.  what’s going to happen to me if and when he passes.  i know our parents die at some point in our lives, and most of us hope for it to be when we’re much older, but i want my dad to be around.  i want him giving me away at my wedding.  i want him there at the birth of my children… to know his grandchildren.

another part of me feels bad for living my life here in nyc.  if i were the good daughter, wouldn’t i move closer to home?  to be around and available more?  after all that he’s done and sacrificed so i could have a good life and great education?  shouldn’t i be around?

another part of me is scared to just even talk to him.  to ask questions on how he’s doing.  so many times i have to MAKE myself call, just because i know it’s something i should do and what he wants.  i have to force conversation and be cheery, be strong.  my dad is not an easy conversationalist, and it is even more difficult to call when every phone conversation is about a doctor’s appointment and test and whatnot.

and it hurts.  it hurts to hear him in pain.  not only in pain physically, but mentally and emotionally.  he’s worn out.  he’s tired.  he hates the doctors.  he hates the appointments.  it’s wearing on him and it sounds like he wants to give up… but is struggling not to… for all of our sakes.  and it hurts me to hear him hurt.

our family dynamic is weird.  my parents came over here from the philippines to give their future family a better life.  my dad worked a lot of hours, sacrificed a lot of things, for his family.  while we didn’t exactly understand or agree with his conventions, it was always for the family.  he rarely asked anything for himself.  (this includes my mom as well.)  growing up, i somehow understood that.  i may not have been able to acknowledge that consciously, but i understood it.  i worked hard to please my parents.  to give them what they expected of their child because of what they put into their children.  it’s the asian family respect dynamic.  it’s so strong.

i still carry that weight to this day.  i may not have the financial success (i still have to ask for money every now and then), but i try to please them.  to live out the american dream they envisioned over 30+ years ago when they came here.  since i have always tried to please them, this cancer has just seemed even more cancerous.  denying me the dreams i had for them.

and what sickens me is that i have come up with all these “back up” scenarios.  it repulses me to admit it.  for example, who is going to give me away?  i always imagined it would be my dad – what daughter hasn’t?  well, the next best option, i thought of one day, is my brother.  then it hit me:  why am i thinking about this?  i’m too scared to admit this to my friends or family.

then i think of all the regrets.  all the wounds i wouldn’t let heal.  the time i spent wasting in resentment over some juvenile and immature thing, i’m sure.  if i only knew then, what i knew now.  isn’t that what everyone says?  if i knew that i would have this specific, finite time with my dad….

anyway, so… that’s my first post about that.  hopefully the next one will be categorically different and, at least, more cheerful (in a genuine way).

(ps – what prompted this post is that my dad is recovering from heart surgery he had yesterday.  he has an afibrilated heart, along with prostate cancer.)

as much as i love my job and how dynamic it is, my biggest complaint (minus the long hours) is the fact that whatever writing skills i had is no longer that great.  i used to have time to read and write poems.  i could spend countless hours palying with prose and verses.  my biggest asset in communication, i think, is being able to express my feelings and thoughts, as long as they came from the heart.  i do make the mistake, sometimes, of voicing those when they aren’t necessarily warranted nor wanted, however, it’s also been from the heart.  rhetoric has never been my strong suit.  whatever confidence i had in it, i now somewhat lack.  my written communication is reports has been hackneyed at best.  the more formal and to the point my professional communication has become has seduced whatever is left in me.  i think it’s time to get back into that shift.  after all, wasn’t that a new year’s resolution of mine?  get back to a craft.  i’ve always been drawn to the arts.  i love beautiful, exquisite writing.  it’s so exciting.  i love music.  i have long ago given up on my music abilities.  i used to play piano and clarinet very well, however, my lack of ambition (aka practicing) eventually lead me to go from a favorite amongst my teachers to someone they gave up on.  i also really love and miss painting and charcoaling.  i could spend hours sketching.  i don’t do that anymore and it makes me sad.  ok well, i guess if i want to get back into it, i should begin practicing again.  off to the writing notebooks, sketch notebooks, etc.

you have to watch this video.  i totally wish i was there… better yet, i wish i danced in it.  enjoy!

to anyone out there,

please read below my follow-up letter to friends and family concerning a 5-mile run i am doing to support the American Cancer Society for my dad, who is currently battling prostate cancer.  i know there is a lot a love in this world and i can’t wait to experience it through the power of the internet.

“Hi All,
I know with summer approaching (yay summer Fridays, boo the crappy weather!), we are all busy as we’re preparing for BBQs, beaches, vacations, etc. but I wanted to reach out again about this cause.  I hope you’ll take a moment to visit my fundriaising Web site and contribute today to the fight against cancer. On June 21st – Father’s Day – I am participating in a 5 mile run in Central Park called Run For Dad, which celebrates the survivors of Prostate Cancer and helps enable the spirit of those still fighting it.  Please join me and The American Cancer Society to fund groundbreaking cancer research, provide up-to-date cancer information and education, advocate for public health policies that benefit the community, and offer free services that improve the quality of life for patients and their families.

I want to thank those who have already donated.  I’m already at 72% of my goal!  I am so amazed and Blessed by the support and love I have received in the past weeks and I can’t wait to see where life takes me next.  Please click on the link below and help make a difference in the fight against cancer.”

please click this link to donate: http://tinyurl.com/r443km

**update: my dad’s angioplasty went well.  please pray that he recovers quickly and well.  thanks!

sorry.  i realize it has been months since i last wrote.  i have something to share though!   so i work in the digital media advertising industry, and a co-worker came across this video on gawker.  i don’t think it could be more sad or true.